3 shattered coffee cups, 3 messily dismantled ink cartridges, one worn out electric pencil sharpener, 721 pencil stubs (that is how many pencils it takes to wear out an electric pencil sharpener), and one semi-melted microwave oven. That’s it. That is the only damage that has occurred at the office in the last two weeks. I think I have been on my best behavior.

Apparently not well behaved enough. My boss just walked in this morning and dropped a newspaper on my desk. Reaching for the paper, my boss put her hand on it inhibiting my retrieval. She looked at me and asked if I had left the country this weekend. I took a quick look at my shoes, just to make sure before I answered her. Nope, they were not my traveling out of country shoes, I looked back at her and answered, “I don’t think so.”

Then it hit me. When trained in the ways of the ninja, keen observation was drilled daily and was a required skill. I am a natural at observation and it only took me a few seconds to realize my boss was not only holding the paper in place on my desk, but she was also pointing at an article on top of the fold. With a knowing smile, I nod my head in understanding of what she was doing. She is lucky to have someone with my skills in her office. I can tell she knows that too. Her sighs and head-shaking can only mean she is trying to shake those goose bumps after she talks with me.

Australian wrestles kangaroo from family home, read the title. What could she be talking about I thought as I started to read the article. Somewhere around the second paragraph my eyes widened in disbelief. “My initial thought when I was half awake was, ‘It’s a lunatic ninja coming through the window,‘” Beat Ettlin (yes his real name) said.

Doesn’t he understand? Ninja’s do not, nor have any need to break through a window at night just to jump on the bed. I have many times snuck into homes, find the sleeping victims and jump on their bed without them even knowing. That is how good us ninja’s are. This injustice must be corrected. We are always getting a bum rap.

It occurred to me that my boss suspects that I may have something to do with this. She knows I am a ninja and I am thankful that she keeps that piece of information from the other office workers. But if she thinks I would bungle something as easy as jumping on a bed she is sadly mistaken.

I grab the paper and head to her office. I close the door and ask her why she thinks that this home intrusion had anything to do with me. I think she spots something on the ceiling because her eyes seem to be rolling in that direction. “Paris,” she responds.

“Ahhh” My only bungled ninja assignment. I was contracted to carry out some ninja business in Paris last year. Very top secret ninja stuff. I had planned being invisible by being very visible. (A very ancient ninja trick.) Needless to say the “business” trip did not end well and I was forced to hide in my own luggage to get back home. I can’t really explain what happened but watch the video below as I try to blend into Paris with my modified ninja camoflauge.

Watch what happens during my botched assignment in Paris

That was a fluke and in no way was of true ninja. I was about to protest that point and then everything went to straight to “H”, “E”, double tooth pick.

The super looking office babe sticks her head in the office and says, “Boss, you gotta see this right away.” The stress in her voice told me that this was serious. My boss and I head out to her desk. She was sitting at her desk going all “Chloe” (24 fan reference)on the computer. “Someone is messing with us,” she says. “Why,” my boss asks. “We just got about 700 hits on our website in the last 30 seconds and the phones are ringing off the hook.”

Sure enough, my ninja observation skills picked up that every phone in the office was ringing and people were scrambling back to their desks. “Don’t panic everyone,” I shouted. “Line up in an orderly fashion and I will lead you out to the parking lot,” I said trying to bring calm to everyone. My boss puts a hand on my shoulder and suggests to me that ringing phones are not a problem and that I should probably stop the phone on my desk from ringing. I nod in agreement and bolt for my desk, grabbing the phone and smashing it to the floor.

With completing my task I sit down and observe that all the others that still have ringing phones on their desk. “They’ll never be ninja’s,” I mutter to myself and start working at my computer. I read one of the comments on our website that mentioned they had heard us mentioned on TV and was interested in our program. They did not mention when, what channel or what show they heard about us so I went to the Google and asked it what tv show were we on. Surprisingly enough it did not provide me with an answer. I spent the next half an hour trying to figure this out when the good looking office worker announces, “We were mentioned on the CBS “Early Show”. Here is the video. The response to that mention has kept us quite busy for the last few days.

I must admit that some of this blog has been exagerated. I can’t say which part, you will have to understand the way of the ninja to figure that out.

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