Reports came in early in month that ninjas had attacked Dmitry Medvedev, President of the Russian Federation. Apparently, the attack was unsuccessful and the ninjas were captured by Medvedev and Kremlin forces.

According to the recent report, the survivors of the ninjas that attacked Medvedev earlier in the month are being held for questioning by the Russians.

3 shattered coffee cups, 3 messily dismantled ink cartridges, one worn out electric pencil sharpener, 721 pencil stubs (that is how many pencils it takes to wear out an electric pencil sharpener), and one semi-melted microwave oven. That’s it. That is the only damage that has occurred at the office in the last two weeks. [...]

Did you ever have one of those mornings where when you got up your left hip seems to be out of socket, your right arm is so sore and stiff you can’t move it and your neck is so twisted and sore that you finally get to see how hairy your back is? Well [...]